Kassandra Lynne

There are lots of new babies among my coworkers. Some of them are first time moms, others have other children at home. I thought I would share some of my experiences when I was a first time mommy, 16 years ago. Maybe it will make some of the first time mommies feel a little better. Or, maybe not...



When Kasey was born, I was a mothering EXPERT. I knew everything there was to know about babies. Stan was 3, Jessi was 7 months, and as far as I was concerned, I had experienced everthing baby-like there was to experience. Guess, what? I was WRONG.



Apparently, my mom did quite a bit of the rearing as far as Stan and Jessi were concerned. In my teenage brain, I had done it all, except breastfeed. And, really, how hard could that be??? (note-I was 19. I knew everything by that time..)



After hours of labor, and a whole lot of pain, out comes this screaming red messy squirmy thing. This is the point where you instantly fall in love, right? Well, I was already in love with her, and dangit, I was STARVING! I looked at her briefly, then asked the nurse when I could eat. I mean, she was absolutely adorable, but quite slimy, and if they were gonna have to wash her off, I might as well eat..



After I ate, and she was clean, it was time for her to eat. I had absolutely no idea how to even start. The nurse came in, looked at me holding her, must have known instinctively that I was clueless inside, and proceeded to MANHANDLE my breast! It took about 30 seconds of this before I asked for a bottle. She didn't even try to talk me out of it.



First diaper- wow. What was all that black sticky stuff??? I didn't remember this from Stan or Jessi. I proceeded to get meconium all over her, me, and both of our sheets and blankets. I am sure the nurses were very impressed with my mothering skills.



Bathing- OK. I refused my bath demonstration. Now that I am older, and have been working with babies for a long time professionally, I know a little more about bathing babies than I did back then. Luckily, I have the whole first bath on video. It took about 45 minutes. The entire time she was laying on the counter, naked, with noone beside her. I would walk from the counter to the sink, wash, rinse, repeat. Luckily, she didn't freeze to death, or fall off the counter. At one point, as I am digging at her little girl creases with a Qtip, I am telling my mother-in-law, Diana, how I am going to have to ask the hospital what kind of diaper rash ointment they used, because this stuff didn't come off for anything! Can anyone say "VERNIX"???


Then there is the period about 15 minutes, where Kasey is laying in her bassinett, unattended. She is cooing, chewing on her hands, kicking, all the cute baby-like things that make you go "AWWWEE!!" Then she finds the bumper pad. She proceeds to place the bumper pad over her face. All you can see is her kicking her legs. The background noise in this video is Diana and me in the kitchen, banging around pots and pans, with me complaining how the nurses starved me during labor. Luckily, God was watching her, because noone else was. Can anyone say "NEGLECT"???


Flash to a scene of me holding Kasey, with her screaming her head off. Diana inquires whether she could possibly be hungry. "I don't know," I say, holding up a bottle. There is less than 1/4 of an ounce out of this bottle. "She has had this bottle since this morning." This was about 6 in the evening. Can anyone say "FOOD POISIONING"??? or "STARVATION"????

Kasey was a preemie. She ended up on soy formula, and spoon-fed cereal by a week old, because she was losing weight. (hmmm, wonder why??) When she was about 4 days old, around 2 in the morning, I was changing her diaper. She proceeded to pee and poop ALL over me. It was a nice shade of green, seedy, and SMELLY. I had never seen anything like this particular poop with Stan or Jessi, and immediately decided something was wrong. I woke up Diana, and she agreed, not normal. So, what did I do, you ask? I saved the diaper. We drove all the way to the hospital the next day. I went to the OB department, to the nurse's station desk, and shoved the diaper at the first nurse I saw. "WHAT is THIS??" I demanded. I don't know if this nurse had ever been in this particular situation before, or if she just remembered me from my stay. She looked me straight in the eye, and with all the professionalism in the world, simply stated "It looks like baby poop to me." Can anyone say "IDIOT"???

Kasey is going to be 17 this July. This seems impossible to me, and makes me kind of sad. She is everything anyone could ask for in a daughter, beautiful, talented, doesn't get in to trouble, and knows absolutely everything about everything. I love her more and more each day. And when I tell her something, and she looks at me like I am a buffoon, I think to myself "Sweetie, it is by the Grace of GOD that you made it this far to look at me like that, and one day you will realize that, but until then, I love you anyway."

Can anyone say "THANK YOU GOD!"???

marci